1) NOT KISSING FIRST. - Who doesn't kiss first?
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. - Who blows in a girls ear anymore? Thats like some shit from the 50's
3) NOT SHAVING. - And the women would do well to learn that they need to shave too. And I'm not talking about pits & legs. I avoid that type of shit like the plague.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. - Actually, if I stroked and caressed them, my gf would ask me what was wrong
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. - She likes this too.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. - And this...
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. - They might not be the only ones, but they are her favorites
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. <snip> just ask her to take the damn things off. - What the hell would I want them on for?
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. - Why does the guy have to be responsible for birth control? I brought it, she can toss it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. - Word. Attack that shit.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK. - Same applies. Jaw hurts? Dislocate that shit and finish.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. - I'd just rip it if it were a pain in the ass. If she likes it that much, she can take it off carefully herself.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. - Again... what the hell would I want them on for?
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. - Damn right. Turn her around, and you've got another place to ruin.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. - Sensual massage? I'm wiping my hands off, not trying to make her shoulders feel nice. If my fingers are sticky and covered, her face should be too - because its funny.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. - Not really... I'm naked before I touch her. Usually, she is too.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. - Nah, gotta let them check out the pimp argyle you got going on. Thats why you wear it, to show it off.
18) GOING TOO FAST. - If I slowed down, she'd just say "go faster". No dice.
19) GOING TOO HARD. - My gf actually does ride horses... she can take it.
20) COMING TOO SOON. - Backup plan? You mean a vibe and not interrupting her, right?
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. - Not really. 2+ hours or so is her favorite length of time. She brags about it to her friends.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. - Why should I care? Read vibe comment above.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. - Yup, bury your face, and come out lookin like a glazed donut. As long as she shaves that is.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. - No nudging is right... dragging by the hair to achieve eyeball-to-penis is definitely the way to go.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. - She likes it, and not warning is funny. Especially if you pull out right before.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. - Nah... gotta make sure you get the deepthroat, one way or another. And grabbing her head is how she got in that position to begin with, why would I let go?
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. More laundry? Again, where the hell are these clothes coming from?
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. - And neither is letting me be on top the whole time. I'll put her up there when I'm tired, and change it up when I feel like it.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. - Its only an accident if you miss... and that was the accident.
30) TAKING PICTURES. *say cheese* - Screw. That. Why would I take pics if I didnt have them? Talk about a friggin waste.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. - Those "props" sound pretty gay. I can be plenty imaginative. Me, her, and another girl.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. - How in the hell do you slap stomaches?
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. - Hahahahahaa, I'm gonna go do that now, that sounds like fun.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. - And some girls like it in the ass. If they don't, then he didn't do it right. Have at it again.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES. - Much like earlier.. she likes it.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. - Yes they do... alot of women are submissive, and thats EXACTLY what gets them off.
37) TALKING DIRTY. - If you don't like nasty talk, you're probably prude.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. - No. No no no no no no no no no.
Guys can get off, not all women can, especially during vaginal intercourse. Some women will
never be able to orgasm, for biological reasons. So there should be no caring - caring about it means disappointment if she doesn't, which means she starts faking, which means its NEVER going to happen for her.
Bad, bad, bad advice.
39) SQUASHING HER. - Turning blue is funny.
40) THANKING HER. - Damn right. She should be thanking me, ffs.
Linear Mode
